


Fine, Remember.

by Ive_never_read_fluff



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Background Poly, Deceit Sanders Angst, Deceit Sanders-centric, Depressed Deceit Sanders, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Sad Ending, Self-Harm, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-12
Updated: 2020-05-12
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:48:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24143884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ive_never_read_fluff/pseuds/Ive_never_read_fluff
Summary: He'd be fine. No, really, he'd be fine. It wasn't like he was questioning if he could be polyamorous. No, because he didn't have crushes on the Light Sides, really, he didn't.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil & Creativity | Roman & Logic | Logan & Morality | Patton
Comments: 10
Kudos: 96





	Fine, Remember.

**Author's Note:**

> No beta we die like men also it's currently 3:22am.

He'd be fine. No, really, he'd be fine. It wasn't like he was questioning if he could be polyamorous. No, because he didn't have crushes on the Light Sides, really, he didn't.

Janus was sat in his room, thinking about.. some things. Things about Virgil leaving, about his short-lived crush on Remus, and most prominent - his major fascination with The Lights.

He remembers the day Virgil left. 

_He was just about to fall asleep when he heard quiet footsteps. 'Who the hell is walking around at five- thirty-three in the god damn morning?!' He thought to himself, but with each passing second Janus got more and more uneasy. It got to the point where he couldn't ignore it. Walking out of his room and into the hallway, he saw a black figure rattling the doorknob to the Light Sides' Mindscape. "Anx..?" Janus asked, upon staring at the shadow a bit longer. No response. "Anxiety? What're you doing?" This time he was met with a glare. "What does it look like?" He asked, not expecting nor wanting an answer. "I'm leaving. And I'm not coming back." Virgil finally opened the door. "W-what?" Came Janus' shaking voice. "You fucking heard me, Snake. I'm out of this hell hole." With that, the door connecting the Light and Dark Sides slammed shut._

He remembers the day he learned Remus can't love him.

_"Hey Double D?" Remus asked, almost timidly. "What is it?" Janus replied, somewhat shocked by his out-of-character behavior. "I gotta tell you something.. but.. don't hate me ok?" The trash boy sounded sincere. "I could never hate you. Even if you killed Jeffrey.. well, maybe not, actually." Janus tried to lighten the mood, thinking back to his snake, Jeffery. "I'm aromatic_. _I- I just thought I'd tell you c.. 'cause I- just, um - thought you might like me. O-or something.." He stutterd, very unlike him. Truth is, Remus knew about Janus' feelings for him and just didn't have the courage to speak up._

He remembers the day he started catching feelings for the Light Sides.

_It was the way Patton's smile could light up the darkest of rooms. The way Virgil desperately tried to hide his smile whenever one of the Sides made a joke. The way Logan's face lights up when speaking about things he enjoys. The way Roman shamelessly flirts with the others, then gets flustered when they compliment him back. It was the butterflies in his stomach when one of them spoke. Patton's voice sounded like tasting pure honey and sweetness and love. Virgil's voice sounded like the bitter sweet you feel after you move out at the age of 18. Logan's voice sounds like the feeling of a robot you'd fall in love with, only to have it betray you and take out the human race. Roman's voice sounds like the manipulative ex you're still in love with, even after he tore your heart out, stepped on it, shot it, then slowly walked away with the bigger pieces, leaving the rest to stab you to death. It was finding out they were in a relationship, all of them, perfect and happy and content without him._

He remembers all these things. These things were the very thing the led him to what he had already started doing, these things led him to lying against the bathtub at 3:17am, while he watched the blood leave his body and gather on the tile floor.

He remembers these things, as he's bleeding out.

He remembers these things, as he continues to slice at his already fucked up body.

He remembers these things, as he slowly but surely drifts unconscious.

He remembers these things.

Because they're the last things he'll remember.


End file.
